Day 0: My Sad Reality

This is me.  Its July 28, 2013. I am 25 years old and weigh 1?? lbs.(I will weigh myself tomorrow at the gym and edit this later).  I have been comfortable in this body for way too long now, and as much as I would like to blame the extra weight on my son (who is now 4 years old), the truth is that it is all my fault.  I have somehow made myself believe a billion of excuses of why I should feel comfortable in my body. 1) I am a pretty good dresser and know what clothes I can and cannot wear in order to look amazing 2) In Chicago, theres tons of other bigger girls and I happen to look better than the majority of the young women I see when I go out 3) The only girls who have better bodies than me are the ones who haven't had any kids yet....I could go on with this list for hours.  So here I am, beginning this blog as a first step of my weight loss journey, no more denial.  I am fat and I need to do something about it.

So what pushed me to do this? For months, (maybe even years), I have signed up for the gym on occasion, quit multiple times, started a jogging schedule, struggled through various diets, started zumba, tried working out with a buddy, etc. Clearly self motivation and wanting this for myself has never actually worked.  Who would've known that a boy...yes I said it, a young man who I am currently seeing, has opened my eyes to this sad realization.  Now before I hear the he's an asshole, and you should forget him, and don't let him make you feel insecure stuff comes along, here me out.  Yes, I know a guy should accept you for you, blah blah blah, I get that. 1) I doubt anything will ever come of our relationship 2) He's way younger than me 3) It's summer and he's a lot of fun..... so with that being said here me out.  He pretty much said if I lost weight I would be perfect.  He said this in different ways multiple times and hinted that I should start working out on multiple occasions.  After yelling at him, calling him an asshole, and explaining that he shouldn't talk to a woman that way and accept me for me. His response was simple.  He doesn't lie and I would look much more beautiful if I lose weight. I shrugged it off, said fuck you, and laughed it off.  Then yesterday, we went to Bar Louie to eat. I ordered a salad to show that I was trying.  We had a good time and then two young girls walked in and sat at the table near us. Granted my young date, didnt pay any attention to them and was still acting super cute towards me, But of course, the insecurity hit me.  The girls were staring him down (might I add, my date is extremely handsome. 6'3, great skin, and a killer smile.  One of the girls was pretty.  I of course think I am prettier, but she had two things going for her: she was his age and had a pretty skinny body. He didn't pay any attention to her and gave me no reason to feel insecure, but when I got home,  I had a nice long stare down with the mirror and all I could think about was "he's right".

So tomorrow is Monday and like any person who is going to attempt to work out or start a diet, I will start my weight loss tomorrow morning. Let's see how bad I actually want this.